04 Feb

'Lies are an illusion, a fabrication of the truth. The longer they are left unexposed, they weave themselves into the fabric of reality like bindweed, and these lies are best left unpicked. The emotional fallout would be too significant to quantify, especially for those who have carried out their lives, never knowing the truth. There is no going back.'

From The Secret Lives of the Doyenne of Didsbrook © Tessa Barrie 2022

This time last year, I was preparing the MS for Just Say It for editing when I was suddenly hit by a total lack of belief that I could self-publish a novel, so I blogged about it.

I had a major confidence crisis last night. I am not quite sure why, when I am so close to achieving my goal and can - finally - see the light at the end of the tunnel.

My self-confidence wobbles throughout writing Just Say It have been many. Writing is such a solitary pursuit. You rattle away on your keyboard for weeks, months and years, lost in your own fantasy world, getting into the heads of your characters. Then, like the <span style="caret-color: rgb(41, 105, 176);"><em>mischievous</em></span> you are, you put them in impossible situations that will challenge them, but you get them through, from beginning to end.

<em>Suddenly feel like I have a blancmange for brains? After all those months of waking up in the early hours of the morning brimming with the pure joy and the passion to bring my characters to life, now the final hurdle is in sight, I seem unable to concentrate and am&nbsp;</em><span style="caret-color: rgb(41, 105, 176);"><em>easily</em></span><em>&nbsp;distracted</em>

<em>So, why am I feeling overwhelming self doubt now? Is it because I am terrified about what the reading public's perception of the storyline I have poured my heart and soul will be? Will they love my characters as much as I do? &nbsp;</em>

Fortunately, I got over my pre-publication blues, which I put down to the fact that as Just Say It is my debut novel, it was understandable I got the wobbles right at the end. Yet, twelve months on, I can feel myself slipping into the same negative mindset. 

I have nearly finished novel number two, The Secret Lives of the Doyenne of Didsbrook, and I want it to be better than my first attempt. But last week, while having a final read through before sending it to Deb, who edited Just Say It, I decided to take it apart, and I still haven't put it back together. 

I love all the characters and have had a roller coaster ride writing it, it's been fun, but I am starting to feel that niggling self-doubt worming its way into my brain again. I will shake off these feelings of negativity. I have to. 

There are so many plusses on my side. I know more than I did twelve months ago about what I need to do, pre-and-post-publication. I know what is expected of me. I've learned from my mistakes, so I should feel more confident about self-publishing my second novel which has been a joy to write and my third novel is on the back burner, simmering nicely.

So, procrastination be gone! 

I've just had a Nona Bain's fix.  How You Can Overcome Self-Doubt

It's 'The Doyenne's' turn to shine, and I need to get it done. 

So no more navel-gazing, it's time to get the job done and more on!

There's no going back. Didsbrook is a sleepy market town somewhere in the Home Counties, and I love it and everyone who lives there.

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